I was a North American Fall Webworm in my past life. Those were the good old days...

<--Back to Archive lists November/December 2k3
Simply amazing!
12/24/2003 Wed 11:25 AM

You learn many things in life - Dont put fork in power outlet. Dont eat yellow snow. Dont allow dog to eat pills he finds on ground. Id like to talk about that last life lesson there. Ya see, i didnt actually LEARN that one until about a few hours ago. It turns out human pills are much more hostile to a dog's well being than DOG pills, which im sure consists of things like bones and dirt or something. At the vet, stumbling around like he had a bender with a blender (teehee), the dog ninja seems to be ok at this point. Though i think the vet musta thought this dog shits gold because the bill is rather large. Rather large. Anyways, ive not slept in about 29 hours but im good. Ive been messing around with my Monitor Colorsync© settings built into OS9 and have come up with a picture that rivals reality itself. I can see so clearly its like im opened up to a whole new world and i dont mean Aladdin. The technical gadgetry such as icons and windows and the INTERNET where in the past seemed so... usual have now become technical fucking MARVELS sought to lick the stars with my eyes. Anyways, what im trying to say is i want to rub my peepee all over the pictures on the screen. Gah-but i... dont mean that in a ... sexual way... only in a visually...appropriate method. Im working on this new comic now but THIS stuff keeps getting in the way...

Ninja
"Get up, ah-get on uppa..."

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Another Lazy Vacation Post! YAY!
12/22/2003 Mon 2:00 PM

Among my thrals of junk mail i got this mail subject entitled: "Your account has been denied! Important notice!" Being that the email was from my good friend "LsiuuQYtbbLspamblockingnamePpnOUoq" enquiring minds had to know! Inside, a jpg starts to load. In big, bold, bright-red letters reads: "PENIS PATCH." Whew, boy was i relieved though. Not that i needed a patch for my penis in the first place, i imagined the appointment for THAT one,
Ninja: hello
Secretary: Hello, you must be Mr Pong.
Ninja: Just call me ninja.
Secretary: ... alright. Mr Ninja so what is it th-
Ninja: I need a penis patch account! STAT!
As you can see im not good around... well, people.

Ninja
"The only way to kill evil is to kill it's antithesis"
***

Sunday sunday sunday! Console Wars!
12/12/2003 Fri 7:25 PM

All right all your godamn fan-fucker-boys. "My PS2 is 'old skool' so its better than your system!" "My Xbox allows me to get online and blow bitches up!" "My gamecube can produce money out of its controller slots!" Shut up! SHUTUP!! Each system is great. Fuck systems, its all about the games. Idiots. Allow me to show off my newest hidden agenda invention. Its called the Consolinator 3000. Yeah, my gaming system is online capable, has EIGHTEEN parallel processors that can pump out 115.6tgflops and employs a new technology that allows the visuals to be beam right into my brain! It also records TV, browses the internet, does my paperwork, tucks me in at night, shoots flames, levitates, scares away solicitors!! But it only plays Pong.

Ninja
"This quote is not your own"
***
in truth, thats the only other pose NINJA did too haha - bb

Sword of Go-Gaia
12/6/2003 Saturday 7:05 PM

Having no job is like going though a car wash without a car, its wet. So i guess the Video Game Awards is here and gone. From what i heard it was the usualy garbage, bullshit the general media thinks about us gamers. Too bad too. It had potiential. Smackdown3 as fighting game of the year? What. The. Fuck.

GBA/preview: Sword of Mana

So i picked up Sword of Mana despite all the horid shit ive heard about it online. People either really love it or really dont. Most people whom have beaten its first inseption (no, not Secret of Mana, Final Fantasy Adventures on the gb) seem to want to announce their resegnation to Square's thralls just because they changed a few things. Id beaten FFA years ago and so far i really enjoy the game. This is what Shinning Soul only wished it could be - a simple, action-based dungeon crawler with enough stratagy to keep these people happy. Ill be back with more as the events of la game unfold.

Anime: Abenobashi (eps 1)

Gainax's new anime. Uh, its uh... decent.. i only saw the first eps. It seems funny. Heh... uh, i really cant wait to see more. There wasnt much in the intro which is where it's made to draw you in.
Jay Mohr's standup was actually pretty swell. Comedy Central woo!
- The Polar Express - I guess they can make movies outta anything these days.
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - Gary. Oldman.
- Hellboy - Ron perlman IS hellboy. I mean, before hellboy was even invented.
- The Barbarian Invasions - this longawaited epic of massive battles and stars. *cough*french comedy*cough.
- Shrek 2 - the first one SHOULD NOT have beaten Monsters Inc. Still, im looking forward to [throwing tomatoes at] it.
I was gonna post more movies here but i started to watch the Cody Banks sequel trailer and started to feel sick.
Site Better than Crack, but in a cute way, of the Day:
Go-Gaia.com? This lil site is made by a studio subset of Udon, the same people who brough tus all those new-age Manga-sinpired comics writing/drawing for people like Image to Marvel to DC and beyond. "Beyond" what, you ask? Well i cant quite answer that right now, im waiting for the peyote to wear off and my pants to come back on.

Ninja
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious "
***
Radiosilence? nah, just vacation.
12/1/2003 Mon 12:51 AM

Zzz... huh? wha! Shit, sorry. I was relaxing. The turkey is still rolling in like some sort endless supply of edible cardboard. Im sitting here watching this VH1 Biggest of 03. This sure is an embarrassing bunch of left extremist garbage that sure is funny as hell! Ok, so they have horrible writers and somewhat capable performers. I just cant believe how much they must have spent on this show parody. Alan Cummings is the man. I think the side comments from Mike Ion Black and everyone else were way funnier than anything going onstage. This show doesnt apologize and for that i like. It was a cool deal over the weekend, my bro and Shin were up to visit a bit. Of course some gaming was to be had. Anyways, we shall be back in a bit after all this food works outta our system. I think a new format is in order to make way for the comic... ^_-||

Ninja
"So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. "

***

WEBCOMIC GET!!1
11/20/2003 Thurs 4:00 AM

Honey I Made The First Webcomic! Yeah yeah... we finally collaborated and made our first one. Perhaps we should put that little button on the side that says 'webcomic' back. Hmm... just a thought. Nonelethless... I love you.

Aww crap... now I'm all talkin' like Lawrence. God, I need sleep.

Shinhobbes
"Look! Look! Our shun ish on teebee!" - Rex Navarette

***

***

Yeah, its a damn comic about my cat. Shutup.
11/20/2003 Thurs 3:45 AM

Holy shit. My lord. Jebus cripes. Is this REAL content?! Gah!

click here... or here to get to the downloads section.
Random ass wallpaper but eh...
Oh there's a mighty wind a'coming, coming every- ah fuck it. I think im plum Mighty Wind out. Mighty Winded if you'd punch me in the face. Here's a lil wallpaper based offa the official ones but a little easier on the eyes.

Ninja
"There all talkin about this Mighty Wind thats blowin everywhere"
***

Dude, where's my rants?
11/15/2003 Sat 2:45 AM

Alright, alright. I noticed this place hasnt been funny (or at least attempted to be funny) in a long time. The lack of sleep due to things outside the agenda always seemed to bog down harder and harder each day so thusly i write this. I know the content has been less than stellar especially lately and i apologize for that. I also know the amount of terrorist activity reaching my ear-balls is dangerously high as of late too. You be the judge. For the few of you who have been with the site through the year or so its been up you've endured the late AT&T Broadband Internet shutting us down twice and Comcast once (the latter which killed the site's hits). You've gone through over 300+ reviews, two revamps, over 17000 hits, over 30 wallpapers, over a hundred and fifty emails, the rather infrequent seemingly magical materialization of Shinhobbes once every two-four months, over 600 replies in the phorumz [bb:there's a forum?!], one war, The Simpsons' 14th season (and quite possibly the best Halloween special EVER), the plunge and slight regrowth of your economy, the death of Chuck Jones, Milton Berle, Dudley Moore, Billy Wilder, Seattle Slew(the horse not the porn star, wait, was the horse a porn star too?), Dee Dee Ramone, John Entwistle, Alan Lomax, Adolph Green, Jam Master Jay, Donald O'Connor, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, John Schlesinger, Barry White, Buddy Hackett, Katharine Hepburn, Fred Rogers, Gregory Peck and many others not on my big list of deceased celebs/cool people who've past since early 2002, and yes, even one (somehow more?!) incredulous sex tape involving a dumb as pool-stick "celebrity." Wow, thats a lot of shit. Wait, what was i talking about before? Oh yeah. Sorry bout all of that drivel ive been poopin on the agenda lately, ill promise to up the quality. And when i say 'quality' i mean eat more fiber.

PS go and see/buy The Cohen's Intolerable Cruelty. Best movie ive seen all year. And ive seen (most) em all.

The Misguided Semi-Cretin of the Day:
Gabe from PennyArcade.
Now, Gabe, though not as well written as Tycho i usually enjoy your gib-gabbering and tom-foolery but to say, "[Mario and Luigi for GBA is] actually really funny, which is something Nintendo has a hard time pulling off" this really sets the clocks ticking hindwards and the bats flip-flapping. I think i just said that makes you an idiot. I think... Well, at least when it comes to MY grand opinions when it comes to things gaming Japanese. Trully you have not partaken in some of Nintendo's more delectable treats. Or rather, you take delight in not liking things which are to be likable in the norm. Instead of some good ol sword swinging perhaps a slightly warmed fork in your oculus fissure is what makes you want to wake up every morning, make coffee and go about talking shit about game companies. In any event keep up the swell work, chap!

Ninja
***

Fan Boy World Fighters.
11/13/2003 Thurs 2:05 AM

This just in!
It appears that crazy Hudson party fighting game (you know, the one with Optimus Prime, Bomberman, Master Higgins, that wolf guy from Bloody roar, Richter Belmont and pretty much the kitchen sink) has now aquired one MORE super crazy person into its ranks. And that person is none other than SOLID SNAKE! FUCK! GAH! WHA?! YES! YES!! <death>

Ninja
***

Monley See, Monkey Drink.

...More like Final Fantasy Heaven
11/11/2003 tues 6:40 AM

Where'd this come from? I mean, i knew about the game for a year or so know but hot damn! MMORPGs arent supposed to be this CRAZY looking. The menus, oh god the menus! Its like the took every slick look to everything in the world and smooshed it all into the same menu system. Everything is so aesthetically pleasing as possible. It kinda begs the question, why the hell dont our OSs these days look like THIS? OSX is the closest but its still miles away from THIS. I wish i had some video of the menus as pictures really dont do it justice. Aside from the menus the rest of the game seems alright. Limited character creator. Doh! First update took some people 13 hours. Doh! But the game itself is surprisingly fun to play. Ill have to wait till the PS2 version comes out before ill review it.

Film: The Matrix Revolutions

People dont know about what they are trying to miss. And im talking about the people who saw the movie.

PS2/Action: Castlevania: Lament of Innocence.

Ive actually had this game for about a month now but did really feel like reviewing until i had beaten the devil outta it. So here i am. Tada! Another Iga masterpiece. Very subtle on the extras department because, hey, its a prequel for gods sake. The two extra characters and the hidden boss are well enough to get me ready for the next 3D classic.
Gran Turisimo Prologue?! Ah, comeon, Sony! In america we call those DEMOS and DEMOS are FREE. What? whats this?! A whole limited edition SYSTEM to go with it?! What the FUCK, man. I thought we's was tight!
Playstation Portable size and form factor?
- Teacher's Pet - disney's try at dadaism ala Ren and Stimpy.
- The Day After Tomorrow - the day ive been waiting for my entire life
- Modern Times - Yes, the Chaplin original is fixed up with his original score. The remaster looks so crisp and clean that it looks like it coulda been shot yesterday.
- I Vitelloni - Fellini's classic also redone with the same care as Modern Times.
- In My Skin - so this is why its hard to find this trailer. This one looks really interesting.
- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Only Charlie Kaufman could have written something that looks like this. Jim Carrey, looks like another amazing performance.
- The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys - no, its not about what you think its about! This one looks bad as hell.
- 50 First Dates - Adam Sandler is at it again but this time it looks like theres... a decent premise?
The Don Hertzfelt Love Story Flash Thingy of the Day:
weebl's Love Story.

Ninja
"Dont FUCK with me fellas, this isnt my first at the rodeo."
***
How could you let me vote for Ah-nold?! Now make ms a sandwich!

Happy Late Hollow's Eve!
11/1/2003 Sat 9:40 AM

Need sleep... need to stop writting... need to stop eating candy...

Music/Rap(?): The Outcasts

Damn worth listening to. I got this double disc album for only 10 bucks off its normal 17.99 at BestBuy.

DVD/Anime: Witch Hunter Robin (disc One)

Very snazzy production. Pace is pokey most of the time and the score was something uninspired but a fun watch.
Someone posted this into our Thief thread. Its an article about a flasher who was beat to near death by some school girls. Awesome.
Its all about Optimus Prime fighting Master Higgins or Bomberman Black!
Capcom set to making a new nightmare before Christmas game awhile back and here are the first pics.
- The Perfect Score - Yeah asian guy! Oh, wait, he's comic relief again... Nevermind... Scarlett Johansson rarr...
- The Bad Santa - John Ritter's last movie? Its got good ol Billy Bob in it too.
- Resident Evil 2 - About time! This has been running in theatres for MONTHS! Cool concept for a trailer.
- Dawn of the Dead - OK, why remake something that was already perfect? Why are the zombies running?
- The Last Samurai - The BIG trailer is online. Yay.
- Cold Mountain - I cant remember why i marked this one... eh... directed by Anthony Minghella!
- Carnage - I dont really know what the hell is going on but this looks fantastic!
- Along Came Polly - Ok, when is Stiller NOT doing slapstick lately? Still the cast makes this one worth it.
- Paycheck - Ok, i know this one looks silly and i know Afleck is shit in anything that isnt Kevin Smith but im a sucker for the quasi-scifi schtick.
- ALIENS VERSUS PREDATOR - ... i think i just peepeed in my pantpants.
The Crazy Ad Company Site of the Day:
The Viral Factory

Ninja
"I will kill you AND the night!"
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