<This conversation took place on AIM in about 20 seconds when i SHOULD have been working a my production book>

Kaizoku: id love to stab you rihgt now

Ninja: hmm, this new information disturbs me, would you like some juice?

Kaizoku: ill make your stomahce vry

Kaizoku: *cry

Ninja: how can my motor run without the proper instruments

Kaizoku: magic juice

Ninja: how is flight possible with such news?

Kaizoku: sleepy dust of course!

Ninja: hmm, but doctor, shes only 17 and a half feet wide

Kaizoku: hey, if they're old enough to crawl....

Kaizoku: ;-)

Ninja: then they are old enough to make paper maché!

Kaizoku: no.....you poor, ...poor soul

Ninja: How sadly my chin sits on this wet wet table

Kaizoku: you my friend, are a rascist GAY!

Ninja: in how many prisons?!

Kaizoku: god i loath you

Ninja: i am adon

Ninja
"i call you up on the tin can phone"

Ninja
"quicker wit to sharpen the teeth of a lad"

Ninja
"at what point did you let the stupid INTO your head?!"

It took them about as for me to design them a logo as it took for them to find a name

Whats with this new found glory in loner-type, action-based bounty hunters in games? Not that im complaining, i simply want to know where it came from. Was there a bounty hunters lover's convention that missed my radar? Whatever the case, i think its a welcomed change. Ive been getting tired of animal-esque third-person action anyways. Between Mace Griffion, SW:Bounty Hunter, Samus from MetroidPrime AND Fusion i think its a pretty rounded cast. Ok, so i lost my point and im rambling. Alright, new point. Square and Enix, Japan's two largest game developers have decided to merge. Holy flipping shit burgers, Batman. The new company is now creatively called SquareEnix. Id have loved to see THAT meeting. "So...uh, what do we call ourselves?", "Hmmm... Square and Enix...Square and Enix... Square, Enix... i say we go for UltraPowerCompany2003 or - or, how about The FinalDragonRancherTacticsCompany!", "Ichiro, yer fired. I say we let the water cooler decided so we can all head to the pub for some sake", "[all] agreed!". There is a conference that takes place in a week to decide on things coming. Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest are still going to remain separate. Enix is mostly the controlling factor at a ratio of .8:1, Enix. Really a big thing going down on the island of game. Interesting days ahead.

 

Here are those pics that i promised. I didnt have enough time to put them all up, but here are a small handful for your enjoyment.

Alright, Tekki (or Steel Battalion, as us yanks like to call it), is something ive been enjoying for about a week now.

Playing the game is like jumping onto your favorite rollercoaster [ed: or pony, in Shin's case. He no likey scary rollercoasters, teehee] but not as fast. Lumbering in fact. But without the tracks. Or other people. Ok, so its not much like a rollercoaster. Its more like a... shit, its more like jumping into a mech. For what its worth. 200 bucks to be exact. Worth every penny.

Constructing the controller was a bit more trouble than i thought as its parts are weighted but at the same time needing to be bolted upon each other. You see, Capcom forgot that humans were designed with only two hands. While these two hands are great for doing things like opening cantaloupe or driving a car they arent equipped to hold one part in two places to balance while holding another part while screwing bolts on while plugging connectors in. A job like this needs at LEAST four hands/arms. They shoulda included a capcom-brand monkey with the box to help you construct this thing. I digress, it only took about 25 mins to setup. Sans monkey [ed:pics doesnt show footpedals]. Leaving the local EB with the box in hand [link is size comparison] i kinda felt like i had a purpose. Like everything was gonna be alright. The fact the thing had weight to it and made me tilt like a freak without meds didnt help, but nevertheless, i felt like some sort of tiny deity with the world in my hands.

 

Opening it up, it came in 6 or so parts, the "left block", "right block", "middle block", footpedals, game, Big ol' manual and other assorted cardboard goodies and whatnot. I have to say, at first i was a bit put off with the fact that most of the controller was plastic, not metal, but upon completion of construction it felt quite sturdy. As a whole its very solidly constructed with only the gear shift a tiny bit flimsy feeling. "It must be ABS, military, industrial grade plastic!" i said with a booming voice. Not really. On retrospect maybe i should have. Anyways. The Capcom seals that held the box shut told me that i had nothing to worry, i had the powers of good working on my side. Ive come to think that my copy of Mechassualt isnt going to get much play with it's big cousin around. SB is more the Acura NSXR to Mechs' HondaCivic. Not any of those fancy new ones or SI, no. More the crusty old early 90s ones, yeah. Ive found it has something like 11 normal missions and about 12 or so "extra" missions. That may not sound like too many to some of you naysayers, always nay-saying. But each part of the campaign is very detailed giving you a huge bevy of things to do whilst in a mission. Things like finding hidden mechs for later use to picking up cows and useing them in a sort of macabre bovine shotput. Things like cow launching makes for some fairly quick and forecull movment of hands sure to shake your controller around. I managed to bungie cord my piece (hee hee) to a keyboard/synth stand and its as steady as she can be. Let the games BEGIN!

 

The learning curve, while steep, isnt as bad as one would think. All of this is done with the very intuitive button layout. One thing that takes some getting used to is the fact when you die you lose... everything. Well, you lose a pilot anyways. If you lose a pilot you have to start ALL the way back at the beginning. Of the game. Whew, tough. You are however given an eject button to which you have a second or so to save your tiny pilot from seemingly certain doom right before the blow-upping of your mech. This is an idea that ive yet to fully grasp i guess as my list of dead pilots is both long and detailed. If my list were setup in such a way as the veterans wall memorial it would be quite a walk. A change of shoe might be suggested. Only the names of the pilots are a bit more whimsy. "Srgt Suck" or "Big Red Target", for instance. I know alot of you are liking what you are hearing but dont know if the investment is worth only a single game. Well, rest assured that both Capcom and Microsoft have announced games for the 40+ button controller (most of which light up, by the way). Being that the thing sold about 3 times Capcom's previous projected sales im sure more games isnt an issue. Oh, and an XBox Live/system link version is slated for early 2003.

 

Like a few posts back, if you simply sit through the startup sequence of one of the 3 mech generations, each with their own startup, your eyes will light up and your wallet will empty. At this point i could almost sell you anything as your level of perception and control of faculties will be at an all time low due to the awe of all the lights and 5.1 sound and general happenings. Tycho of PA had some similar thoughts, an altogether more entertaining read than this im sure. Check it out here. Theres a little startupsequence virtual simulator simulator at the tekki.jp site. Dont let all that funny text scare you, its called japanese. Click on "Cockpit" on the bottom button row and select the first option that comes up. Wait for it to load, its 660k or something. After awhile, the logo will appear and two options, click the first one. From there on its pretty self-explanitory. If you dont get THIS much then id recommend, instead of SB, this ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it. Note: this isnt even CLOSE to how amazing the real thing is, but its closER.

 

The Ring was a fairly enjoyable flic.

Enjoyment mostly in being uneasy and wanting to call for mommy. It didnt matter. MY mommy, someone elses' mommy. Just whoever was in arm-shot. Overall i thought it was a much better putting-together than its Japanese original. Course thats hollywood for ya. The movie was so 'enjoyable' that ive been 'enjoying' its lingering presence in everything i do; from taking a shower to things which i usually love to do like going to bed. All are now fun little adventures in the life on my nerves. The quests and objectives to this heroing adventure include such favorites as checking behind every door and switching as many lights on as possible. The slight changes into sensibilities and vernacular Americans can better understand i thought were well changed and thoughtful. I was told that some elements from the Japanese sequels were added in. None of which ive seen. Yet. I think im gonna let this feeling of all encompassing fear reside somewhere far before i venture into MORE Sadako.

 

Panzer Dragoon Contest. I tell no lie. Gamers.com/panzer

 

Im quite sad to inform the world that the first disc to my Cowboy Bebop collection is fucked. It plays great until vicious chucks spike out the window and green bird starts to play. For anyone who know what the hell im talking about you know my woes. I would like to make a statement to the world: waaaaaaaa!.

 

Capcom Gamecube movies:
- BioHazard/ResidentEvil 4 (4 out of 5 Ninja ramens)

- ViewtifulJoe (5 out of 5 Ninja ramens, MUST see!)

- DeadPhoenix (3 out of 5 Ninja ramens, why does this seem familiar?)

- pn03, ProductNumber03 (3 out of 5 Ninja ramens, so THIS is what Mikami has been doing when he wasnt Sony bashing)

- Killer7 (2 out of 5 Ninja ramens, minus one ramen for making Ninja confused)

---


Times Ninja's Computer Has Bit it Hard: 30
Name for main boot HD: HDOneHiterQuiter x30

Ninja
"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize"

Ninja
"there's a saying from around where i come from: 'im not a doctor''

Ninja
"at the time of death i was dead"

Yeah! I thought Bungie's buyout by Microsoft was swell too! Man, guys, we are, like, SOOO alike!
Oh, wait, did i say bungie? i meant RARE! Shucks!

Midterms are getting in the way of all the gameplaying i SHOULD be doing. Learnin man's a sucker, i tells ya.

 

Metroid Prime and Fusion are out and about stateside [you dont need links, go out and buy them!]. For awhile i was sure that the old schoolish style of Fusion would grasp me oh so much more than Prime with its new-fangled x,y AND z gameplay. But im very pleasantly surprised. The game is so much more than what i had thought it would be. It still has all the elements that made Samus, the she-warrior with a gun for a godamn hand, famous. Exploration and epic boss battles. The visuals have already put half of what ive seen on this system, hell, half of what ive seen on ALL the systems to shame. I cant believe Retro Studios did it. They actually did it. They made a game that lives upto the name. Bravo.

 

Steel Battalion (Tekki) comes out tomorrow and i think ive done myself good. Well, not in the way of me furthering myself in gaming, seeing as how i returned a whole ass-load of games to even begin to prepurchase this monster. Animal Crossing was one of em. It was SO hard erasing my game. I even tried switching the memory card sticker with another memory card. I had to let go. I had PSO to eat up my time, i kept telling myself. No, ive done myself good by securing what may be the first and last US shipping of the mech game that puts all the others to shame. In the very least in button layout alone. I picked up the strategy guide to help prep my brain to wrap around the gajillion buttons to which i would to wrangle my mighty metallic steed with. So it turns out there is a rather large battery of tests and a whole bunch o mechs to purchase. Shit, i was happy with ONE mech. But 18? Luckily i had the tip on my local gameshop and had kept receipts, there was no way i was going to get the scrublings of trade-in value for something of this money-magnitude. Fuck that noise, as the kids say. Ill be sure to post all sorts of weird pics tomorrow assuming i dont spin out and crash on the way to the store. This game keeps getting better and better the more i read about it. I hope im not fucking myself by hyping it with all this new info... wait, this is CAPCOM we are talking about now! w00t!

 

New PSO desktop coming down the pipe. HEHE, 'pipe'.

 

Despite all this XBox money ive been tossing right into Microsoft's pockets ive been quite the proponent of Nintendo lately. Maybe its announcements like this that keep me coming back even when my pockets and backside are hurtin, if catch my sway, dig? Its about time this became official. I mean, not that a ninja like me knew about this already or anything. I mean i dont use the internet, its for geeks and antisocials <cough>. Long live the Super Gameboy!

 

"Global Playstation brand" indeed.

 

Square, they sure do make the money, er, i mean games. Games, i mean.

 

Vin Diesel forms a game company? Godzilla is real and is devouring the senate as we speak? 3DO stops making games? Ok, so two of these anouncments are fake as hey-yell, can you spot the real one?

The record label OrangePeal Records has just made a neato acquisition. Evan Emge (Pronounced Ah-bin El-jimmo-GeeBeeHeezy). Some really funny poop worth checking out. A snappy vocal and guitar accompionment set of snazzy ditties wistfully slip off the ear and into your heart. Swell, guy too. Or so i hear.

---


Best Animal Crossing Card of the Day (EVER):

Kapp'n

"Even though he acts like an old man, Kapp'n is still just a young sea turtle. He's a little rough around the edges, but he's got a good heart, and he'll sing a sea shanty for everyone who asks. (Even if they dont!)"

Ninja
"Wonderboy, wont you take me far away from the mucky muck man!"

Ninja
"destroy you your enemies!"

Too early to write
I will type quick thoughts <cough> <cough>
For your enjoyment!!11

Been playing all these
games, little time to breath, WHEW
most on XBox Live

Xbox Live? not bad
Voice feature is very fun
Need more games to play

I first played this game:
MechAssualt, simple yet fun
Id not buy it tho

Ghost Recon is swell
But system link and framerate
suck in split-screen, weak

Fighting Game by that
company DreamFactory
Is sad sight indeed

Shinobi is here
First out in america
Its quite good but tough

XBox Live Launch is
tomorrow, allocated
You preordered yet?

Metriods' in five days
No money now! Shoot! Dang! Blast!
How much for kidneys?

Ninja
"tell you what, you turn around and pretend to be not paying attention, and i pretend to shoot you. But then really shoot you..."

Translation: What the hell are you doing in my house?! What? You are trying to find something? Well, FIND yourself the hell out of my house and cupboards you freak!

Hmm, yes, alright. While reading Tycho's always amazingly brilliant editorial, i decided to post. Cause, despite the thinking of other joining parties pertaining to this site, thats what we do here. Hey, speaking of PA, i unearthed mp3 interview of the crew penny'. I have thusly decided that if, hypothetically speaking, were i in a bar brawl i would find it quite smart to seek out these two through the thicket of human mesh instead of that Vin Diesel mutha fucka whos been eying me evil since i step into the joint. Not to so much pick on the weaker of our race, only looking out for the ninja health bar. Of course, audibly one could deduce these guys havent seen the sun in quite some time but also havent much physical depth to them, but it was there pics off a gamespot interview that firmly sent in stone what was written above. I dont really know why i went off on this subject. These fellows, in all fairness, are much more men than i and prolly more so than mostly you out there. Not only have they gotten themselves full time, full paying jobs in playing video games but they are married and appear to have a great time doing all of the above. So i guess, this is where i say fuck off to me or something. Maybe this was a sad attempt to tell them i love there site and there comic and would be sad and all together gloomy for a LONG while if PA simply wasnt there anymore. I have an utmost respect for these guys and if the rumors of PA being sent south are true id need the worlds biggest bottle to help cope.

 

Phantom Crash seemed like downright the quirkiest mech sim/action game ive played in awhile. Imports not withstanding. The overall speed of the ingame stuff is as fast as it gets with mostly close combat skills taking front and center. The overall impression that i got was not many people were gonna pick this one up cause it hadnt much hype. Gone are the days were if someone shat in a green game box and put it on the Xbox shelf with a "NEW!" sticker on it the masses would flock like the flies that had more a right to be there. The front ends and all the in-game interaction give the impression that the pilot is a youngin with alot of money and a penchant for blowing stuff ta shit. Oh, the interaction. Well its not so much interaction as it is sitting back and watching an episode of Dawson's Creek. At least what i HEAR it to be. Luckily, its possible to zoom through all the completely un-game related by pressing the two thumbsticks in with L and R. I use this button combo so much its more part of the gameplay as shooting and cloaking from other mechs is. Well, almost. Though, there is multiplayer through split-screen this game is begging to be played multi-SYSTEM. The whole mech creation thing always does. The use of multiple "docks" [for which to store mechs you've put together] reminds me alot of Gran Turismo. Actually, MOST of the game reminds me of GT. There is a "garage" where you store your mechs, and assemble them with upgrades. There is the place where you buy mech "modules" to attach. There are places for you to buy whole mechs direct from the "companies" of which there are three. Aside from a music shoppe where you can buy music from real japanese artists, most everything in this game reminds me of either GT or ArmoredCore. Id say its worth a 50 dollar buy, as it allows countless hours of (very) fast action with constant upgrading and tweaking. Only downsides are the lack of additional stages/arenas (3) and no system link. Other than that, Encore has found themselves a nice little japanese treasure. It is SO Genki.

 

PSO Episode 1&2. Much to my surprise, eps 2 is a WHOLE new adventure. Sweet. With the 3 new classes and all new bosses (not JUST old bosses with new models and names) id say stay away unless you want to be as pathetically hooked as me. At least the gods have hid every available Gamecube BBA from me i hopes of keeping me from my beloved online play. In the meantime ninja and pals have been enjoying offline splitscreen heroin, i mean, play. Here are some great places (da und da) if you want to spoil EVERYTHING for yourselves.

 

Ive not purchased an american 3rd party controller since the snes mariokart came out and we needed another controller since the one we normally used as our fourth met an untimely end with the concrete floor of my doorstep. Anyone who remembers the castle levels will understand. Given the history and the longevity of most american 3rd party pariphs it makes sense for me to wain away from em. I think the streak has been broken. I needed a second controller for my Platinum Gamecube that matched its metalic sensibilities but at the same time matched the cheap-no-money-havin sensibilities of my wallet. So i purchased a Madcats MicroCon (namco what?) and i love it. It so much more comfortable than my standard Nintendo controller with all its buttons situated much closer together. It also has these cool grip thingies that just look cool. Ive had been playing so much 'cube that the inevitable happened, it broke. Well, not in the same sense of plastic meeting concrete but the C-stick likes to sometimes wonder up which, usually, is pretty humorous cause i have [in PSO] up on the c-stick binded to say a taunt [something to the effect of, "Your end is neigh" or something] so when im simply walking around town talking and buying things my character will, out of the damndest blue, start telling the townsfolk that their time is neigh, whatever that really means. Not so funny is when you are shooting baddies and a huge text bubble taunt comes up and blocks your view. So i went and exchanged it. At Babagges, the tadpole behind the counter told me i should spring for a Wavebird instead of "the crap you bought". Staying calm i lightly told him the reasons i liked this controller and he countered with "well, im kinda a hero of first party peripherals" where i told him "well, im a hero of anything that is good" to which he had nothing to reply to. He then went on about a game for "Sega's dead system" called "Iku-something" by Treasure and if i had heard about it. I wanted to ring is fucking neck. Well, im back home and the contoller works fine now. And im none the happier. Well, that kids' head on a plaque would be nice too.

 

Ok, so i was supposed to review this game, TazWanted, for a nice lady whom was cool enough to send me games [from Infrogrames]. SO without further ado... I really enjoyed this game. Not saying so much to ruin my integrity in hopes of EARNING more free games. Im one who thinks that if game companies deserve my money they get. The overhead on what game stores makes is so little as most is given to the companies and the system licenceing. Getting a free game is like getting soneone giving me a free CD with music from someone they represent for instance. Its nice that i have it without giving anything but its doesnt have much value because of it. If its crap ill put it aside and hope that one day it at least becomes a suitable coaster. Anyways, like i was saying, before i rudely interrupted myself, was it is a fairly solid 3rd person platformer. Something interesting considering how fed up ive been with companies licensing other properties and making 3rd person games out of them. This game set out to be a nice, simple and entertaining run-around-and-spin-dash-things platformer, with the cel shadded dash for authenticity and i think it does all this well. It does like to fall into the mindless collecting that its genre seems to love. But, at least it does so quickly and painlessly so. In order to obtain these items too, requires more thought than most of these type of games likes to afford the gamer. The camera is alittle flaky but not even in the all of japan has this common ailment been found around yet. The control is as solid as a crazed tazmanian devil can be, fiting. I like the hub idea of linking all the levels with one central center. It adds a sense of an open world that is often robbed from us by linearality. Between this, Spiderman, Buffy and (maybe) LOTR:Two Towers i think game licensing has taken a turn for the decent. Something i like to see. Now only if the people who threw together the horrible american XMen fighting games either go away or take a note from Capcom?!

 

Ok, allow me to elaborate. Contra on the PS2 isnt a bad game because it is too hard for you. Its a bad game because it doesnt have a lockout whenever a crappy gamer grabs it's controls. Its main menus screen says it all. "For action gamers only". Now stop whining and get back in there.


Gigantic Drive, or, R.A.D. [die] in america, is out. Its fun. By the makers of that other PSX mech game that this looks like. Eh, its a fun game with very VERY americanized box art that spell the doomation of this title. Sad.

 

Game Arts Software Museum (babelfish-ified).

 

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Times Ninja's Computer Has Crap'ed on out: 29
Name for main boot HD: TheHD,TheHD,TheHDsOnFireX29

Ninja
"Are full in impact all the 11 stages which"

To Comemorate PSO coming out and ruining my life again, ive shimmyed up a new desktop for your local consumption. I hope you like it :) Here is a sample:

I also feel much better knowing that upon Shin's lil visit i managed to get his poor, qui-lo ass hooked too. Im so so sorry.

Already How Many Hours Spent Play New PSO: 39+
Number of characters made: 4
Weeks game has been out: 1

Ninja
"yippee ki-yay, mutha fucka"

Between spuratic power outages and not having an internet connection until this very moment for about 5 days ive managed to play alot of games. Ill be back to preach on the word of ninja in a bit.

Times Ninja's Computer Has Crap'ed on out: 28
Name for main boot HD: HDCuriouslyCrashyMints x28

Ninja
"my last name? 'comma The'"

Ninja
"STINKY?!"

Cant... type... must play GameCubePSO... Animal Crossing... Panzar Dragoon Orta demo(ah-HA! Ninja-ed. Bwahaha!)... Metroid Prime demo... cant...speak... in ... full sentance... must make it... to ...bathroom... before pants... explode...

Times Ninja's Computer Has Crap'ed on out: 27
Name for main boot HD: HDSirBreaksAlot x27

Ninja
"me have fun time now. now go poopoo."